Whose fault is it anyway?

Fault and Change by Carlos Miceli

I must be myself. I cannot break myself any longer for you, or you. – Ralph Waldo Emerson

Think of all the things that are not working in your life. That job you don’t like, that relationship that’s not working, those friends that annoy you. Now turn them all on you. Imagine that everything that’s not working in your life, is your fault. How would you approach it? What would you work on to change your life to the state that you want it to be? (Author: Carlos Miceli)

pouty pity party face

If your life isn’t what you want it to be, whose fault is it? (aka welcome to the pity party)

  •  Maybe it is due to your parents shortcomings you have it so bad. After all, they raised you and gave you a sense of right and wrong.
  • What about your (so-called) friends? Are they jealous of you and venture to sabotage your life by annoying you?
  • Your husband/wife/significant other may be bringing you down. It is your job to create his/her/its happiness.
  • Definitely your job’s fault. Whenever things go wrong there is always someone above or below who we can blame.
  • They could all be trying to get you (sound paranoid yet?)

A hard pill to swallow

Time for a reality check. I know you may not believe this or want to hear it, but only you are responsible for your life and happiness! Years of therapy and self-reflection taught me that I am only responsible for my actions and how I react to others. That is life’s dirty secret in a nutshell.

It may sound scary at first, but actually it is quite empowering when you understand that you drive your own bus. You are not a helpless victim, but a powerful individual who is capable of many great things. If your life sucks, do something about it!

My own private pity party

I wont lie by saying I never held my own pity party. There have been plenty of times when I asked, “why me?” The truth is it happens less frequently as I mature, because I realize the signs when they occur.

Once, a long time ago (back in my bridal shop era) my husband was working on his MBA. I was the one who was jealous of what he could accomplish while I ran my business and took care of the kids. I remember standing in the den on several occasions while Robert was diligently working on the computer. A sour look took over my face and I think I actually accused him of being selfish by getting his masters degree.

The message I wanted to relay was why not me? I did not possess the faculties to express this feeling at the time, so I blamed Robert for my inadequacies.  Why did he go to school for an advanced degree when I still had no bachelors? Was it his fault I hadn’t finished school?

You may ask what transpired between Robert and I after those trying moments? After pouting (often crying too) I would suck it up and realize I was only projecting my fears onto him. Robert did graduate with his masters and went on to pass all of the CPA exams soon after.

Lesson learned: no one likes a cry-baby

What did I do to remedy my own situation? Well, let’s see… I closed my business (security blanket), went back to school, graduated and now I am the one working on an MBA. If I am unhappy at work, I ask myself what I can do to improve the situation. My friends don’t annoy me. I love them all dearly and wish I had more time to spend with them. Overall, once I swallowed the pill and shut down the pity party, the world opened up before me. Now it is your turn! Make it happen!

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One thought on “Whose fault is it anyway?

  1. eof737 says:

    I’m glad your story is going to end on a positive note because you took action… I’m often saddened when I read stories that play out differently; one partner helps the other graduate and then gets tossed to the side… I love your pout face picture. LOL!

    PS. Catching up on commenting again after a hectic week that included 3 long days/nights at a yoga event. I will be attending another workshop in the coming week (7/11-7/14)and if I don’t leave comments, I will follow up on my return. 🙂

    Like

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