being honest

Do you consider yourself an honest person? How do you judge lying, cheating, stealing, and hurting others along the way? Most would elicit an auto response that of course they are truthful individuals with high moral standards.

does this tail make me look fat? (like I care what you think)

If you mislead the masses as a career, hobby or any other reason, what do you get out of it? Pathological liars do it because they can’t help themselves. Once I had a friend who would tell untruths about the oddest, most random things. Looking back on the situation with 20.20 hindsight, I believe the cause of her fibs were rooted in insecurities that she wasn’t good enough as she was.

the quest for integrity

Remaining honest is not as easy as it sounds. There are many forms of of deception, some more damaging than others. Ethically, is it always best to utter the truth no matter the circumstance? Helping guide decision making this s something I ask myself routinely throughout the day.

What types of lies are acceptable anyway? Yep, its list time again!

Acceptable lies:

  • telling someone you love their present, even though you can’t wait to re-gift it.
  • telling someone you already have plans when the truth is that you don’t wish for their company at the moment
  • lying when someone asks you how old you think she is
  • ditto if someone asks if you like her new outfit

Unacceptable lies:

  • saying anything to make a sale
  • telling someone you love him/her just to make peace
  • telling someone your biased opinion even when it is not asked for
  • faking an orgasm (do you really think you are fooling anyone?)

To my own detriment, I have been overtly truthful. In the end, I pissed people off because I thought it was better to be truthful. The reality is that harsh truth didn’t relieve the situation. I may have felt better for getting it off my shoulders but hurt others in the process.

out of my babe’s mouth

I recall when my daughter was a toddler, sitting at a local McDonald’s when an extremely large person walked in. Avery’s hand went up as she pointed at the incoming customer and she exclaimed, “look Mommy, she is fat!”

As I grabbed her finger and shushed her, Avery looked at me quizzically. Didn’t I tell her to always tell the truth. She was just telling it as she saw it. It is not that she was incorrect in her observation, but what good did it do her (or me wanting to hide under the table or suddenly become invisible) to insult passers by?

re-phrasing the question; how honest should you be?

This is the trickiest part of maintaining integrity. I don’t enjoy hurting people and will go to great lengths to avoid it. It is necessary for me to remain honest with myself in order to live a happier and more productive life. Telling myself things are OK when they are clearly not, throws me into a funk.

We need to look inward before we worry about telling others their business. It all comes back to those pesky fears of rejection, conflict, abandonment, failure, etc. Dig deeper inside yourself to discover what causes you to lie.

What do you lie about and why do you do it? How can you tell when someone is telling the truth and do you really want to hear it? Share your thoughts and stories.

 

6 thoughts on “being honest

  1. Shauna says:

    Hi Miriam. I believe in Honesty in almost every situation. I don’t typically outright lie and honestly I tend to tell the truth not long after if I have been dishonest. Although I try not to hurt people, when someone asks if they look good in an outfit I just ask them if they are comfortable and leave it at that, if they say yes I say then its fine! My opinion isn’t really the only one around and I don’t consider it a lie to try to not hurt their feelings when it wont hurt them if they are happy.

    I tend to be overly honest and I tell people don’t ask for my opinion if you don’t want it. If the above doesn’t work I tell the truth but carefully. I believe honest is important in every life situation!

    Like

    1. miriamgomberg says:

      Shauna, like you, I am a terrible liar. I will usually start to giggle and give myself away. I agree that it is best not to ask the question you don’t really want an answer to. Thanks for commenting. Sorry it took me so long to respond.

      Like

  2. eof737 says:

    There is a fine line between lying and embellishing the truth…. One is artistic and the other is unhelpful. Sometimes, it is best to say less… and that’s the approach I prefer.

    Like

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