changing who I am

spoiler alert: this post is deeply personal. if it makes you uncomfortable, either consider the real cause of your discomfort or stop reading now.

Is a personality static or can it alter over time? Who I am today is distinct yet similar to who I was 5 years ago. Do you remember your temperament as a child? Were you a tiny adult (poised and responsible), a hellion, or somewhere between the two?

hiding in shyness

Upon reading the definition for an introverted character I determined it has nothing to do with being shy. Interestingly enough, I may have always been an extrovert, even though I wouldn’t look people in the eye.

a personality that is preoccupied with inner thoughts and fantasies rather than with the outer world of people and things.

way back when…

I wasn’t born a self-assured fabulous mermaid. I’m not sure why, but I was horribly shy and suffered greatly from low self-esteem as a kid. Focusing on personal flaws, I rarely put myself out there for fear of being rejected by others.

Although I was insecure, I craved human companionship. I was not content with solitude. Does this mean I was never truly introverted at all? Luckily, I was still able to form bonding relationships with some of my peers, so I was not completely alone.

getting over myself

I’m not sure at what age I made the decision to come out of my cocoon, becoming a butterfly. Somewhere in my teen years, I realized that I had way more to offer than previously thought. I was holding myself back for no good reason. It was time to fly.

This must be around the time I turned off the inner-monologue. Who really wants to listen to an inner voice who continually says that you are less than adequate? There are people who listen to that voice their entire lives. What a shame.

the journey continues

Don’t think that because I shut off the inner monologue, I don’t suffer from bouts of shyness or low self-esteem. I still fear rejection and abandonment (usually associated with PMS, but that’s another story). The difference is I refuse to let these inhibitions hold me hostage.

How would you rate your personality? Do you prefer to be solitary or do you need others to fuel your ego? Are you being true to yourself and your self-described label, or should you rethink your persona?

What attributes make your personality unique? Please share your thoughts and stories.

4 thoughts on “changing who I am

  1. Shauna Smith says:

    Gosh I am not sure I could define my personality, I really can’t answer those questions, but Im sure you aren’t surprised since you know me.. lol I can relate to the inner monologue, when I hit 40 and separated from my now ex, I grew tremendously and I changed a negative inner voice to a positive inner voice and realized I was ok as I was and I needed to accept that.. Changed my life completely!! I didn’t turn it off just reprogrammed it.. Thanks for sharing such personal info.. and making me think as you always do.. Love to you


    1. miriamgomberg says:

      Shauna, I love how you describe it as reprogramming the inner voice. That is probably true as it is impossible to completely shut it off. However I have found the mute button works well for me. Thanks for stopping by and sharing with me. xoxoxo M


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