10 things I don’t know how to do

Who ever came up with the saying that you can do anything you put your mind to? Do ya think he was a know it all jerk who thought he could do everything well but in reality was an expert in nothing? There’s lots I CAN do, but even more that I don’t know how. Maybe there is an app for that.

Inspired by Mama Kat’s weekly blog prompt, here is a list of 10 things I don’t know how to do.

  1. Whistle really loud by sticking fingers in my mouth. Have you ever wanted to hail a cab by whistling? How about call your kids over without raising your voice? I have tried through the years and still haven’t figured this one out.
  2. Speak Spanish. For some reason, I wanted to take French in school rather than Spanish. In all, I had over 8 years of French and at one point could speak fairly fluently. It didn’t hurt that I was an exchange student there twice. Unfortunately the second language of choice where I live is Spanish. I can understand a little, but not enough to say a complete sentence.
  3. Crack my knuckles. Is this even something I want to know how to do? It seems a little disgusting to sit there

    purposefully popping the joints in my fingers. Either way, I don’t have any idea how to do it.

  4. Lie without getting caught. I got no guile. I often wonder how others can tell untruths about anything without giving it away. Either I will start giggle fits when lying or sweating profusely, or nervous twitching, or all of the above. I would be a terrible poker player as I can’t bluff to save my life.
  5. Write legibly. I am left-handed and never learned how to hold a pencil properly as a kid. I blame my first grade teacher for not stopping me from scooping up a writing instrument with a closed fist and writing like a caveman. I kinda hold it correctly now, but sometimes I can’t even tell what is on the paper. Thank goodness for laptops!
  6. Paint my nails (fingers or toes) without getting polish all over my skin. This is probably a mix of my left-handed awkwardness and complete impatience. Whenever I do a self mani-pedi I must wait at least a day for all the extra stuff to come off from the cuticles and wherever else I paint before it looks halfway (and I mean maybe halfway) decent.
  7. Tie a men’s tie. This is a little embarrassing because I owned a bridal shop for 14 years. Hey, all the ties were clip on with the tuxes. When I worked at Banana Republic, I tried to learn but was never really that interested so it didn’t stick. Luckily, my husband can tie his own and doesn’t need my help.
  8. Clean a fish.Well, really I don’t know how to bait a hook either. The idea of slitting open the belly and pulling out the guts really grosses me out. That is why fish sticks were invented. It didn’t bother me much to have my hands in a cadaver searching for veins, but I was getting graded on it.
  9. Teach a dog to walk on a leash without choking. Yeah, this comes down to pure laziness. I love my dogs and I’m sure Daisy would enjoy long hikes. Trouble is, every time I put a lead on her, she gets so darn excited she pulls until she gags. Is it ever too late to teach them? Do I really want to take the time? Maybe later…
  10. Keep from crying. This is an ongoing theme to my posts. I cry too easily and take things personally when I shouldn’t. Sometimes I wish I could turn off the water works at will, but it just isn’t in me. When pregnant, I cried during sad commercials. Who am I kidding! I still do.

being self-aware can be a bitch

Trust me, the list goes on and on and on… Rather than revolving on what I can’t do, I would rather focus on strong traits. There is always an upside to not knowing how to do something. If it is something really important, it can be added to the bucket list of things I need to learn how to do before I die.

What can’t you do? Is it something vital that keeps you from reaching your dreams, or is it something inane or silly like giving a flawless self manicure? Share your thoughts and stories.

14 thoughts on “10 things I don’t know how to do

  1. tammigirl says:

    Wouldn’t it be just too funny if someone could come along and teach you all of these things? Like, one of your commenters could be all “Hey, I can teach you how to lie. I’m like a PROFESSIONAL liar.” But then the commenter would be way too busy with the job written on their business card called “Maker of delicious diet foods” and you’d be on to them in a hot second.


    1. miriamgomberg says:

      I wonder if being a professional liar pays anything? They say crime doesn’t pay but says nothing about lying. Hmm. Just a thought…

      Thanks for stopping by Tammi!


  2. Lisa @ The Meaning of Me says:

    Miriam, your captcha hates me – I swear it tosses my comments out every time!

    I can do the tie thing – if you ever really need to know how, call me. The finger whistle thing? Can’t do that, either. I’m pretty sure that’s a guys only thing.


    1. miriamgomberg says:

      Lisa, sorry about the renegade Captcha. I’m considering using Disquss but haven’t acted on it yet.

      My husband ties his own and my son doesn’t wear one yet. I had a girlfriend who could finger whistle but, you are right in that it is not super lady like. We should totally hang out. I can put you in a mermaid tail and I’m sure you can teach me a thing or two. 😀


      1. miriamgomberg says:

        How you look is not as important as how it makes you feel. I feel young, silly, irreverent, and like a goddess when in mermaid drag. Trust me, it is hysterical but in a good way. It’s all about the pictures too!


  3. Suzanne says:

    Like you two, I’ve studied other languages with a passion.

    After studying Spanish for 14 years, I dated a sexy Latin man. I couldn’t understand a single conversation he had with friend; they spoke so much faster than my ears can hear.

    Studied French for 45 minutes but kept rolling my r’s.

    I studied enough Finnish to get through a trip there I thought. I learned later that my best use of the language was the ever-relevant remark, “Yes, so many salted women.”

    You know what I cannot do? I can’t stop buying shoes for the 30-year old feet I no longer have. Plenty of heels fit for a ho. But not a single pair of hiking boots I desperately need.

    Great post Miriam, enjoyed it.

    Talk when coughing fits stop, this weekend, Monday latest for sure.



    1. miriamgomberg says:

      How do you say salty women in Finnish? Is it anything like the word for mermaid? Just sayin…
      If the sexy Latin guy spoke fast, who cares? If he is hot, he gets a free pass! Look forward to yappin’ with you Suz!


      1. Suzanne says:

        Get me a translator.

        Sounded something like suolenienen if memory serves. It sounded so right, yet it was so WEIRD.


        Can’t wait to yap with you too Miriam. You really do bring out the best in me which is much like the worst in me — no diff.



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