relenquishing control

Does fate exist? When is it time to let go and let be? I have a strong inner locus of control which essentially means I am master of my domain. This  whole not working, job search thing is really testing my limits knowing when I have to give in and relinquish control.

can I relinquish control?

time for a reality check

I remember as a young girl working alongside my dad at the general store we had in Solvang, Californiia.  Performing odd jobs, at the end of the day, I would go to this special toy shop where we put a doll on layaway. Each week, another contribution was made towards the doll. At the end of a given time frame, the doll was finally mine.

Perhaps this was a lesson of the rewards of hard work. Maybe it was just my parents taking advantage of slave labor afforded them through the rites of parenthood. Whatever it was, it all added to my work ethic that if I wanted something, I must first put in the time and work towards it.

Funny, I have such a small threshold for delayed gratification now. Actually, I”m not really giving myself credit in that I wanted to finish an advanced education. Sacrificing a social life and most free time for several years,in the end (like when I got the doll) I was rewarded.

the point is…

OK, I realize I was floating down another totally seemingly random stream of consciousness. What does working in my parents’ general store have to do with relinquishing control? The point is that I have always been employed on some level. If I wanted something, it was up to me to make it happen.

Overall, this is not a bad attitude to uphold. It’s infinitely better to own your life rather than living as a victim. Every ounce of my being is cringing  from the idea that it may take several months before I am once again gainfully employed. My power has been sucked dry as I rely on my husband and unemployment benefits to help see me through the dry spell.

does this mean I simply float downstream?

Just because It may take a while for me to get back to work, doesn’t mean I am helpless and will drift in the stream until someone pulls me out. To remain sane, I must stay proactive in the search. This is an ideal time for personal growth. An ideal time to exercise my body at the gym. An optimal time to reconnect with friends and loved ones I lost track of whilst working.

The power is in knowing the difference between what is within my grasp and what I simply need to let go of. Not sure if I will ever really be good with this skill. Fortunately, I have the rest of my life to figure it out. At least it will give me something to do.

3 thoughts on “relenquishing control

  1. ElizOF says:

    You will be fine. Be patient as there are millions of people job searching and it hasn’t been easy. Don’t forget that the best way to get out of your head is to help someone else… Volunteer!


    1. miriamgomberg says:

      I have been spending lots of time at the gym and have been catching up with my girlfriends. Not all is lost. Thanks for the words of encouragement.


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