it’s probably nothing

Why is it when something potentially life-altering happens, people downplay it by saying it is probably nothing? It might be nothing, but then again…

By uttering those 3 words (one is a contraction so I am not sure if it counts as one or two words) I feel somehow diminished. Yes, I understand that no one can make me feel less than. 

I am an over-thinker. If something is stuck in my head, it digs into my psyche until I’m purple. Does this mean I am OCD? Blech! Add that to the list of things that are probably nothing.

why is it nothing?

Do you say it is nothing because the thought of it being something makes you uncomfortable? There is a thought! Maybe it all stems from a sense of helplessness.

Not everything is within my control. Life is messy and unpredictable. If a situation is out of my hands, my spiritual search taught me to let go. What if I don’t want to let go?

what is nothing?

You may think I am being cryptic. The reality is, I leave no secrets at the door. Having no guile and very little if any inner-monologue has advantages in that no one is surprised when I share TMI.

Are you ready kids?

Recently during a routine mammogram an area of micro-calcification was visible on my right breast. After further testing, my doctor recommended an excised biopsy. Surgery is set for this week.

hope for nothing

Raging blankness feeds anxiety. Until the results are interpreted, there is nothing I can do. Researching the internet brings me no comfort. I freaking hate being helpless!

Chances are it is probably nothing. I am creating stress for no reason. Blah blah blah. I totally get it. However, there is a tiny voice that keeps saying, “what if it is something?”

best to know for sure it is nothing

Funny but the thing that worries me most about the surgery is that I can’t eat after midnight and surgery isn’t set until 2pm. Most likely by noon I will be completely starved.

I get angry hungry after a period of time elapses. Will I be pacing the floors before then? I really wish they would just knock me out until surgery so I won’t get super pissy waiting. Maybe I will write a post whilst waiting.

There I go over-thinking again. There is a possibility of cancer and I am worried about being hungry. OOOFFF.

waiting it out

If there is nothing I can do except wait, then I must accept it. I would be lying if I said I wasn’t scared. Going under the knife is not fun. Being under anesthesia and waking up with a sore throat sucks.

For now, I must believe it is nothing. Untold lost moments  are being wasted worrying over a possible future. If I am OK in the present, I have no reason to be upset.

If none of this positive self-talk bullshit works, there is always wine. Cheers. Here is hoping for nothing

nothing nothing nothing
nothing nothing nothing

4 thoughts on “it’s probably nothing

  1. momfeld says:

    Here’s to wine. Lots and lots of wine. I’ll throw up a pray for you. I think you are valid in being a bit worried and over thinking it. Who wouldn’t? If anything, it will make for a great blog subject! Hang in there.

    Like

  2. Lisa @ The Meaning of Me says:

    Well I’m quite a bit behind…hoping this is indeed a nothing, but best to know for sure. I absolutely love that you are mostly worried about the not eating thing. That is exactly what I ‘d be concerned about. We definitely should hang out one day when we cross paths somewhere. 😉

    Like

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